A lengthy warning about vigilance.

Although I personally enjoy repairing and maintaining my van myself, and you may be the same, we must accept that there are some jobs that require specialist tools we don't have, and some which are just too tedious or dirty to get involved in. In those cases, you'll trade convenience for hard cash, and usually, lots of it.

Ok. You know this decision is going to sting your pockets like a tazer with a fault, but you're going for it anyway. Where do you start?

You ask friends and family if they know anyone who can do the job, you look around locally for small workshops and you book an appointment. Then you just wait a few days and all your problems are solved for the agreed amount of money.

Oh, naïve child, how you jest.
That's not usually how it works at all!
In my experience, it goes a little more like this:

Ask friends and family, wait for someone to ask their friend, chase them up five or six times, give up, find the first workshop with a tall enough door and book it in.

The quote: 2 days, 200 euros.
The reality: Once the vehicle is safely captured, the Cockney Up-Sell is deployed, and you find yourself leaving with a bill for over a grand for a list of jobs you never asked for that "could be serious".

About two weeks after your van was supposed to be done, they're still waiting for new lights from Neptune and testing all your electrics, locks, and other systems for irrelevant faults. These tests, naturally, cost a lot of money to carry out, and you are charged in addition for the time your van occupies their space (they can't take on any other jobs while it's there, ya know).

In reality, of course, the van may well be sitting quietly in the car park, having not been touched since you made delivery, close to three weeks ago.

Hold Your Horses!

So how do you avoid being taken for a fool, if you don't know squat about your van?

Before you book your van in for an oil leak (or whatever the problem is)...

Do a little research.
Find out what it could be, what's the most likely cause, and how long it should take to fix. Such information is easy to find online. Then you can present a little bit of knowledge at booking time which may deter the Cockney Up-Sell to some degree.

Be clear in advance.
You are willing to pay for necessary work directly related to the complaint for which you brought the van in. Tell them you will not be paying for any exploratory work, additional tid-bits or other work or parts that are not directly related to and necessary for the fixing of your problem.

Get your work quote in writing.
Before agreeing to anything, have the job list and costs in writing, signed by someone in charge, so you can't be fobbed off with "you never said not to do x or y" when the bill comes.

Limit your liability.
Make it clear that any unexpected jobs that will increase costs must be cleared with you before going ahead, otherwise you will not pay for them. Have that added to the job list, so nobody can claim ignorance later on.

And finally, if you have a friend who knows a few things about vans, take them with you. Their knowledge can protect you from up-selling and may simplify the diagnostic stage, reducing costs dramatically.

Important note:
Don't assume your local dealership or authorized service center is a safer bet than your local one-man garage. In my time working for Vauxhall (Opel), I witnessed extortions I couldn't believe, that led me to tender my resignation - I couldn't be a part of what I consider to be criminal extortion. Business is business and ignorance is often (deliberately) taken for consent.

The cost of unwarranted trust

After a long and cold (avg. -13°C) winter, sitting unattended, with a cracked windshield and an an unspecified oil leak, I took Burt in for some TLC at an English-speaking workshop in Prague, manned by its owner and a part-time apprentice. Our agreement was to replace the window and fix the leak. That was it. The quote was 300Kč (~€12 at the time) per hour and the estimate was 5 days, due to existing jobs occupying the ramps.

When I came by to settle the bill and head home in my van, I was greeted with the old "bad news, I'm afraid", and hit with a diagnostic bill approaching €400. The leak remained. The cracked window remained. But it wasn't all bad; my caring mechanic had taken it upon himself to charge my 1 year old battery over night. He just hadn't used a decent charger and hadn't turned it off when it was done. My bulging, over-charged battery was screwed. But he had a nice replacement lined up for me at my expense, and it cost just a fraction over the usual price. I couldn't go anywhere without it, he reminded me. And there was no proof his carelessness had caused my battery to swell and refuse to hold a charge.

It went on like this for almost a month, by the end of which, I'd finally had my new windshield fitted (which involved damaging the roof lining, covering the entire cockpit in engine oil and misaligning the window such as to allow rain to enter the van from the top of the windshield, which later led to rust).

By the end of the ordeal...

* My tires had been replaced at a cost of €400, plus €10 per wheel for balancing, just because, you know, "they were a bit worn".

* The driver's side mirror was cracked from reversing into the workshop without the use of basic spatial awareness.

* The battery jump point cap was snapped off during repeated attempts to revive the battery the mechanic had killed.

* The entire front of the van, right up to the side door was covered in engine oil, which my mechanic friend kindly suggested I could clean off by hand. I insisted he clean it, and he gave me a beautiful hard-done-by display in return. It was quite wonderful.

* My fuel tank had significantly less fuel in it than it had at the time of delivery - refutable, but you know what you know.

* And the leak? Well, he hadn't really looked at it, but he didn't think it was a big deal.

Total time spent: About 4 weeks.
Total cost with the new hourly rate of 800Kč (around €32) per hour: About €1200.

And now I just needed to find someone else to fix the problem I took it in for in the first place.

Buyer beware. This could have all been avoided by laying out the rules in the beginning and having the hourly rate and work to be done printed and signed in advance, instead of taking the word of a "nice" local mechanic.

I should have noted the mileage and fuel level on the work order, which I now do as a habit before handing over my keys.

The pros and cons of small workshops

On the other hand, if you don't know them to have a good reputation, don't mistake a long history with a good one, or you may be in for a bumpy ride; the prices and time estimates can fluctuate wildly (always upwards), the mechanic can take days off without notice, spontaneously prioritize "more important" (read: better paying) jobs, and in worst cases, outright screw things up and lie about it, as happened to me with this particular mechanic, whose name shall not exactly remain anonymous, such was the level of unprofessionalism - I owe it to you to warn you of such predators.

So, choose carefully. Find out what previous customers say about their experience with a given meachanic or workshop and ask them if they would return. And most impotantly, assume nothing. Agree everything in writing and do it with a poker face.

Anything "could be serious"

For example:
An oil leak could be a caused by a cracked crank shaft, but what are the chances? Much more likely is a loose or punctured hose, or the oil filter or drainage plug could need tightening.

I small knocking noise could indicate imminent valve failure, leading to engine destruction, but it could also be caused by the plastic dust cover on your shock absorber. And if you don't know what's what, you can bet your last coin it's gonna be the valves that get investigated first.

Last Word